Saturday, February 6, 2010

I'm a girl.

Sunday morning I walked into the ladies room at work. I was the only lady in there, and as I walked into my favorite stall (the spacious handicap stall) a woman walked in and spoke out loud. Thinking she must have been trying to talk to me, because again, I was the only lady in the ladies room, I turned and looked at her. She asked me, "Is this the ladies room?" I replied, "Yeah." Then she just looked at me for a few seconds, with this expression on her face that said, "Then why are you in here? You look like a boy, I'm confused, did you understand what I just asked you? You look like you should be using the mens room, because you have short hair, and you are manly, and you look like a man in that manly uniform." I thought, "Wow, this is happening again?!" If I had a $10 bill for every time some random female thought I walked into the wrong bathroom, I would have lots. of. money. Naturally, my knee-jerk response was to send out a mass text to my awesome friends, and the replies I got were hilarious and way too sweet. My bro-bro Diego texted, "Kathy. That's not the first time this has happened. You need to come up with a funny but bitchy comeback." (Ok, can we talk about the way my brother texts? I wrote his text exactly the way he wrote it to me. He uses proper spelling and grammar even in his text messages. LOL)
My friend Robbie said: "should have shown her yr vag." Believe you me, if this had taken place at a bar, and I had already drank the two beers it takes for me to get super-buzzed, that woman would have come face-to-face with my knockers. Not my "vag," because I have body image issues with the lower half of my body, but my boobs. My boobs are great. Trust.
My girl Savina was more aggressive with her reply: "WTF indeed! You don't look like a boy, what the fuck is wrong with people?!" If I ever get in a fight, Savina's definitely my number one choice for back-up. That girl can get feisty as fuck!!
Then we have my super-pragmatic friend Alex, with his goddamned logic: 
"Lmao!!!!! well you are dressed like a boy and you have short hair so if the lady was super old i can see how that could happen." For the record, the lady was not super old, maybe early-to-mid fifties, and she had super short hair herself!! She seemed very beige, like she was probably from Nebraska, or wherever it is that beige people are manufactured.
My cousine Goldie Hawn was very cut-and-dry with her response. She is a very busy librarian and doesn't have time for bullshit: "That lady is a fucking idiot." Again, another perfect-spelling-and-grammar text message. I guess it runs in the family, along with our passive-aggression and paranoia.
I have to say though, that my favorite reply was from my friend Nicole, who is the sweetest lady I've ever met. She wrote, "If u were a boy u would b the gayest looking pretty boy i know," adding, "That lady was probably heavily medicated." 
When I got back to work I told my co-workers what happened. Some got a good laugh, others were more like, "What the hell? Maybe it's the uniform, but you really don't look like a guy." For the rest of the day my buddy Rashaund kept calling me lady, woman, girl, or female. He would say, "You are such a pretty WOMAN," or "Hello GIRL, how is your day going?" LOL!!! He also loves serenading me in front of passengers and telling them that he loves me so much. It's funny and sweet, and the passengers that aren't there to verbally attack us enjoy it too.

1 comment:

  1. You must embrace the vag! The Vagina Monologues is on it's way.

    I stand behind my text and I will never understand why that woman thought you were a man. She's still a fucking idiot.

    Love ya!